thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
