Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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