you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
