im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
