Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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