It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm like, not good at living.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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