There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
