a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
