i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
