He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
