I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
