she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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