proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
