Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
