I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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