I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
