Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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