Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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