then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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