i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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