meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
