i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
