Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
