This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
