i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
this hospital has no fireball
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
