when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my shit smells like andre
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
