Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
