no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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