It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
