I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
