i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
