i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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