I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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