and she was petting her beer can
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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