i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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