I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
