This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
