OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
