When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
