Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
