True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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