are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
