Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
