You really coming over, don't trick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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