Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
