You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
