I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
