well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
