i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i think my cat just said my name.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
