So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
