And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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