he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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