I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
