I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
