Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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