my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
