I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
