Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
