Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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