The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
