I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
