My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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