White coat. Heels.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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